Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
