I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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