something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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