I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
