The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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