In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
