yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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