How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
