please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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