ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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