so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
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