Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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