Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
