Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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