i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
