You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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