i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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