I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize