I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
