Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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