OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize