I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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