Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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