Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
