Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
