I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you traded sex for a burrito?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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