wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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