i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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