I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
