This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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