at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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