he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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