my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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