When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
