Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
