Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
