you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
