he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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