this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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