Pants 0. Shit 1.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
