you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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