dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
