North Korea, Best Korea!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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