Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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