I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize