people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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