Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
