I need help removing her.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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