you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize