New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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