We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
