i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
