I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
