Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
