god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize