i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
