how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
