then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize