so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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