I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
