I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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