I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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