Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
