sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
