I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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