Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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